


Distance

by thenostalgicdreamer



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, Destiny, Disappointment, Gen, Growth, Loneliness, grown-up Maya, what happens to Maya, where Lucaya didn't work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 04:44:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16509620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenostalgicdreamer/pseuds/thenostalgicdreamer
Summary: On quiet, warm night in Costa Rica, Maya ponders how far she has come.





	Distance

**Author's Note:**

> This drabble references a Lucaya breakup. If that will bother you, please do not read this.

Maya had been tossing and turning in bed trying to sleep. The Costa Rica heat had her covered in a damp sweat, and she just couldn’t quiet her mind enough to sleep. Her current job was proving rather difficult with its constant interruptions and complicated steps, and she just wasn’t sure she would be able to take all the pictures her client wanted before she flew back to New York in just two days. Besides, her mind was already back in New York where she knew the world was becoming one of fall. In her mind’s eye, she could see leaf-lined streets and feel the cold air, and she was wandering between the layered memories of all the falls that had come before.

She got out of bed and turned on the light. She couldn’t remember when she had first begun to struggle with insomnia, but she had quickly learned to not fight to sleep but rather to turn the quiet night hours into something both calming and productive—art time. Looking through her backpack, she located the sketchpad that was never far away and flipped to the fall scene she was working on. Drawing would make her feel better even if she wouldn’t be able to sleep right away. 

Settling back on the bed with the sketchpad on her lap, she worked on filling in the picture with bare trees and fallen leaves. As usual, the repeated pencil strokes brought peace and rear to her overactive mind. As she drew, she realized what was wrong. It was not so much work stress or the typical fall nostalgia but rather loneliness and homesickness.

Most of the time, she was happy with her life. Art was her first love, and getting to capture the beauty of the world every day never ceased to fill her with wonder. She knew her work had purpose—she was helping others see beauty and appreciate the good things. Travel kept her life from feeling boring, and constantly seeing, tasting, smelling, and hearing new things deepened her understanding of life. Still, she traveled alone and had no one with which to share her experiences. She and Riley were as close as ever, but Riley just didn’t understand. She hadn’t seen what Maya had seen, heard what she had heard, experienced what she had experienced. She listened kindly and with her heart, but sometimes telling her just made Maya feel more alone. The world was Maya’s home these days. She lived out of her suitcase with a new pillow under her head every day of the week. She had a family now like she had always dreamed she would—her Mom and Shawn and Farkle and Riley, but most of the time, they were a Skype call away. She spent her days alone and felt very much her single status. Mostly, she was happy, but on nights like tonight, she thought of Lucas and his Lizbeth and wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t let him go.

She had always known that someday she and Lucas would end up together. The pull between them was too strong for them to ignore forever. He followed his heart, and she had known that eventually his heart would lead him straight to her. And after his Riley phase, it had. They had started dating senior year of high school, and at first, it had been the most beautiful thing she had ever experienced. Lucas was kind and generous—the picture perfect boyfriend. He took her home to his mama and on lovely dates to the park, fancy restaurants, and the mall. Those early days had been filled with laughing and teasing and had been so much fun.

Despite the joy that she had felt at the beginning of their relationship, she had been unable to shake a feeling of unsettledness in the quiet moments when she was alone. Eventually, she had realized that she shouldn’t keep ignoring it. That was a bad idea; it was bad ideas like that one that had caused her so much trouble in high school. After some reflection, she realized that the problem wasn’t Lucas. He was everything she had believed him to be. No, it was the way being with him made her feel. She felt pressure—pressure to be someone she was not. He loved her just the way she was, but he wanted something else. He wanted someone to go with him to country music concerts, sit with him on the couch and watch rodeos and football, and cook dinner with him. That wasn’t Maya. Maybe they could compromise and make a relationship work, but that didn’t mean it was a good thing. It couldn’t be a good thing when being with Lucas made her wish she was different and despise the traits, preferences, and abilities that made her who she was. 

After that profound realization, she had told he she was breaking things off. She had felt happy and free but had missed him too much to not take him back when he had come back pleading. The second time around, he had bent over backwards to do what she liked and make her happy. In the process, he had ended up unhappy. She could sense the burden he was carrying to be something else for her, so nine months later she broke it off again. Again, he had come back pleading. He was so sure they could make it work that she agreed to give it another try. They lasted almost two more years. Eventually, though, Maya had realized that she was not learning the art of a balanced life keeping the relationship afloat. No, she was putting herself under unspeakable pressure to make life good for him and good for herself at the same time. Under that pressure, she didn’t have room to grow and breathe. She struggled to focus on her art because her mind was taken up with the relationship.

Summoning her courage, she had broken it off for good and dived head first into art signing up for a study abroad program where she had discovered that she found seeing the world personally fulfilling. Traveling to new places and soaking up their beauty made her feel alive and  
helped fill the hole that Lucas had left. She had decided that if she could make it work, this would be what she would do for the rest of her life. After graduation, her dream had come true when she had gotten this job in travel photography. 

Her life was good these days. It was beautiful and full in ways she never imagined. She knew herself so much better than she ever had. Being alone and seeing herself through challenge after challenge had showed what her weaknesses were and how to motivate herself to grow. The fact that she had gotten to visit and photograph so many non-profits had taught her so much about what love and service meant. She looked for opportunities to give back now, and her focus was so much broader than just herself. Her heart was brimming with feelings of amazement at what her life was and how much better it was than she could have dreamed. Still, she missed Lucas. Her feelings were an anomaly when she knew she couldn’t have this were she still with him. But did feelings ever make sense? She was growing and becoming someone stronger, kinder, and wiser than she had been before, and that was what she wanted after all.

She put down the sketchpad and went to her suitcase and pulled out her necklace. It was a gift from Lucas, and no one kept a gift from their ex. But it was pretty, and she liked necklaces, and she hadn’t been able to bring herself to give it back. It had sat in her dresser drawer at her parents' for more than a year collecting dust, but these days she was wearing it again. She fingered the “M” before unloosing the clasp so she could put it on. What was a little heartbreak, a little loneliness if she was going farther than she ever dreamed she would?


End file.
